(this post was started on April 2)
In four days, it will be the 6 month anniversary of this whole rollercoaster. Thomas was sick-as-a-dog-barely-hanging-on-to-life on October 8, 2010. Thats where this entry's title starts.
I have relived that day a million times. Do you remember Polaroid cameras? That's how I see it all in my mind. And, I hear the sound affects, too... of the photos being taken and spit out of the camera. I see mental photos of he and I arguing about going to the Dr.s office that third time, I see one of him anguishing from the pain to get in and out of the car, I remember being totally fed up with no improvment in his condition. I was going to be heard this third time. I see the nurses faces when they come in the room. They started talking to us in what we call the "Prozac voice", talking to us like we are five year old kids.
The speed picks up here, more like a digital on the sports setting. We are at the hospital, the faces of the friends that (miraculously) arrived there to be with me, I see Thomas' face as he struggles to make sense of all that is happening to him. It still breaks my heart. He had that horrible look of bewilderment, confusion. We had no idea what was being missed... what was coming. Flash: arriving at the Med. Flash: Hallways and closed doors, me on one side; Thomas on the other.
Flash: my Mom arriving from Arkansas and walking down one of those awful hallways, miraculously, right to me. (I get my sense of direction from her.... none.) :)
Flash: T rolling back into surgery. I didn't think for a minute that I could have been talking to him for the last time. Not a clue. Flash. Flash. Flash. Information, opinions, surgeries, expressionless faces.
Those were the some of the worst of times. There were more/others poked in here and there. But' after about three weeks, we began to have scattered 'best of times' in there too. Flash: The day the kids finally got to see him. They were as wide eyed as I have ever seen them. They were so very brave, too. They were so mature and sensitive. I still can't believe how well they both did through all of this.... the only way I can believe it is to know that while I waited for that first ambulance ride to start, I was already praying for their protection, and I didn't even know how much I would need it. God was so very faithful with them. I remember after Thomas was moved to step down ICU and I could stay with him, Reed asked me "Mom are you staying here (home) tonight or with Dad?" I felt like he was subtley saying that he wanted me to stay home. I asked him if that is what he wanted. He thought for a minute before he answered (sooooooooo a trait of his Dad) and said, "I want you to be where ever you need to be, Mom." He was nine years old. God' grace was just oozing right out of him. That was a 'best of time' and there were more...
People ask me if it feels like forever. People ask me if its flown. Both and neither. The best way I think I can describe the last 6 months is a smear. And yet, there were indellible moments... moments that are permanent impressions on me/us like impressions in wet cement. Some of those involve my kids, like the one above. Some of them involve precious cards, notes, prayers, words from family and friends. A lot involve the caregivers we had, like Dr. Croce, and our nurses.
A lot of those moments involve his rehabilitation. I would have to classify those as both best AND worst together. If this seems like this is all about me, I don't mean that. Two things, 1. I have always tried to give Thomas some level of privacy and 2. its easiest to do that if I just speak from my perspective. BUT....
Rehab. Without question, one of the hardest to manage situaitions of my life/our lives. When I say that, I am telling on myself. I did not have the personal decorum, control, maturity to walk into that room at the rehabilitation clinic, filled ... overflowing even, with broken ..... severely broken people. People whom wanted to be looked in the eye. People who probably could see through my thin veil and know I was struggling. It was all I could do TO look them in the eye. I had no choice, I had to look beyond the exterior. Is that a good thing? Well, of course. Is that an easy thing? No ma'am. Not if you are me. They just wanted to be seen, to be heard, to be talked to, to be treated as 'normal' ... as if whatever horrible, ripping tragedy had NOT happened to them. Thomas looked like the picture of health and normalcy compared to most of these precious saints. Their stories would both break and bless your heart.
The spirit of each person in that clinic was the complete opposite of their exterior... their spirits were NOT broken. You would not believe what these people had risen above. It was a repellant against self pity to be there. There was NO WAY you/me/we could feel sorry for ourselves when we were there. And that was the part that was the best. I felt like a baby... a baby that was growing, absorbing, learning every time we were there. I hated to go, but hated worse not to go. I knew I needed that 'rehab' as much as Thomas' body did. My rehab was of the heart. Treating others as you would like to be treated is sometimes much harder than it sounds. I've been in situations where I could tell I was 'insignificant', that no one really wanted my audience. It doesn't feel good. What if that was every day? What if people tried to avoid me, avoid eye contact wtih me everyday?
Somewhere in January, Thomas started feeling better for longer periods in the day. We had a while after his exercises, before he was too tired. We could have lunch. We could run an errand or two. THIS... this was the BEST of times. I had my best friend, 24-7. Now, had you asked me if I would want that... oh say 7 months ago.... I mighta said, "Uhhh, sure. For a WEEK." But, after what had happened, after watching him fight through it all, work so, so hard to get better. I realized, I liked having him around more than I could have ever imagined. Now, don't get me wrong... we are waaaaay human and there were the occasional times where, just like always, we would get on each others LAST nerve, but ... big picture: It was the best of times, for sure.
Past January, into Feburary and March he continued to work and continued to get stronger and have more stamina. We even saw a few movies! We found ourselves in yet another new community of people...the retired. If you go to matinees during the week, you have to FIGHT for the handicap parking! :) Didn't take us long to figure out we had better arrive early if we wanted that end spot, nearest the ticket counter. We had more than a few laughs at ourselves realizing the game we made, and fully intended to win, out of this! :)
The best of times.
The days leading up to Thomas' return to work were as emotional as the first days of his illness. I cried and cried and cried. My 'baby', my project, my around-the-clock partner was leaving me! I knew it was a good thing, it was another answer to prayer. But, I was going to MISS him! I was going to miss him because out of all of the horribleness.... there really were the best of times.
Today is Tuesday, April 12. Thomas has been back at work, released from disability for one week and one day. He is so tenacious. He is working so hard. He does great. He manages the pain well, just through sheer determination... he takes nothing. And, at the end of the day, he is totally spent. He is exhausted but has the satisfaction of knowing he is overcoming, not impossible, but mighty big odds. He knows from where his strength comes. We give all the credit, all the glory to God...who loved us enough to send His only son to, not just die, but suffer and die for us. After watching my loved one suffer, I have an even deeper appreciation for that utimate gift. What a time to be celebrating Easter. He is risen and ...
HIOTT.
Thank you for caring for my family, for staying updated on our situation and for your prayers.
Originally set up to help communicate information to family & friends about Thomas' urgent and life threatening health situation... we now maintain the blog to record and share his recovery. After all he has survived, and what was at risk, Thomas is a miracle and it's to the glory of God that he is... "Still Standin! (thanks to Brad Mayfield for the new title! See "And the Winner Is..." for more about him.)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
two FLU
He got it.
But, he really did not feel very bad and didn't have near the case of it that Mary-Carter did. We couldn't decide if we just caught it early OR if, relatively speaking this was NOTHING! :)
Now, we are just trying to avoid Reed and I getting it. I flat out refuse to get it! We will see how that works out. :)
But, he really did not feel very bad and didn't have near the case of it that Mary-Carter did. We couldn't decide if we just caught it early OR if, relatively speaking this was NOTHING! :)
Now, we are just trying to avoid Reed and I getting it. I flat out refuse to get it! We will see how that works out. :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Croce.
Four months ago, my Memphis expanded greatly. Suddenly, The Memphis Regional Medical Center and many staff persons there became the center of everything for us ...they were my life lines and they were holding the life of my husband in their hands.
Sometime in the late evening of Friday, October 8, my world collided with that of Doctor Martin Croce. In hindsight, I can identify this as one of the first of many miracles in our ordeal. Dr. Croce is the Medical Director of the Elvis Presley Memorial Trauma Center at The Med. This will mean more to my story later...
I was in a haze of shock and exhaustion when I first was introduced to him late that evening, Some of the details are fuzzy but ... what I do remember is that I was interested in how he spelled his name... Huh?! Why did I need to know that? I have no idea, but I liked him pretty much instantly. I think primarily because he did not make me feel stupid for asking about the spelling of "Croce" when my husband was in a serious medical crisis. He knew I didn't really understand what was happening... they really didn't know it all yet, either. Something else I didn't know was "who" he was and ... I had no idea yet how much we would grow to love him. All of that began the next morning.
Saturday, October 9, Dr. Croce had to deliver the news to me that Thomas was, as he put it, "devastatingly ill". I think I was like a rubber statue and the words were just bouncing off me. Dr. Croce was so patient, so deliberate and as calm as he could be in the situation. He didn't give false hope but he is just one of the ones with that amazing gift of encouragement. Somehow, even hearing what I was hearing, I felt a peace. Now, I truly attribute that peace to The Great Physician, but I know... beyond a SHADOW of a doubt that The Great Physician had put this great physician right there for this time for US. I know it as sure as I now know how to spell his name. :)
I've read that "you don't choose The Med, you wake up in The Med"... that's mostly true although we were sort of offered a choice, one I am so very grateful we took. However, if you do end up, wake up, or even choose The Med in a trauma situation... you hope Dr. Croce is on call. They are all good there, we had many, many of the staff doctors and nurses guarding and watching over Thomas. Its just that, basically, Dr Croce is the B.M.I.C in Trauma. (Big Man In Charge) The residents, who do a LOT of the work, snap to attention when he is around and even more so if he is the attending on a patient. Dr Croce, or just "Croce" as I somewhere along the line began to call him (?!?), being the Medical Director of one of the busiest trauma centers in the country is in pretty high demand as a consultant and speaker. After October 8, I think he was out of town every weekend during our 6 week stay. There you go... one of our first miracles.
Croce has the ability to lift a little of the weight off your shoulders. He has got to be one of the busiest people in that whole hospital, yet... you will get his UNdivided attention if you need to speak to him. You can ask him the same thing 10 times and he's not going to get irritated with you. He cares. Simple as that. He absolutely cares and it just radiates from him. His life has not been untouched by heartbreak and I sometimes wondered how he does what he does every day. But, I know too, that he has used his personal experiences to make himself a deeper, richer, even more empathetic and caring doctor. However, even though I didn't know him then, I have a feeling he was always this way. Every resident respects (and probably fears) him, every patient family adores him. And my family and I... we are at the front of that line. He may or may not know it but I think he is one of those angels I talked about a few months ago. Dr. Martin Croce is so smack in the middle of God's will for his life that he can't help but but be the extension of the HIS hand.... Croce makes it possible for God to physically reach out and touch you.
We love him. We thank God for him,we ask His blessings on him, to guide and protect him every day so that he can mean to so many others what he did to us. God bless his own family, too.
Croce. The first of many miracles in our ordeal... the first of my tributes. Thank you. HIOTT
Sometime in the late evening of Friday, October 8, my world collided with that of Doctor Martin Croce. In hindsight, I can identify this as one of the first of many miracles in our ordeal. Dr. Croce is the Medical Director of the Elvis Presley Memorial Trauma Center at The Med. This will mean more to my story later...
I was in a haze of shock and exhaustion when I first was introduced to him late that evening, Some of the details are fuzzy but ... what I do remember is that I was interested in how he spelled his name... Huh?! Why did I need to know that? I have no idea, but I liked him pretty much instantly. I think primarily because he did not make me feel stupid for asking about the spelling of "Croce" when my husband was in a serious medical crisis. He knew I didn't really understand what was happening... they really didn't know it all yet, either. Something else I didn't know was "who" he was and ... I had no idea yet how much we would grow to love him. All of that began the next morning.
Saturday, October 9, Dr. Croce had to deliver the news to me that Thomas was, as he put it, "devastatingly ill". I think I was like a rubber statue and the words were just bouncing off me. Dr. Croce was so patient, so deliberate and as calm as he could be in the situation. He didn't give false hope but he is just one of the ones with that amazing gift of encouragement. Somehow, even hearing what I was hearing, I felt a peace. Now, I truly attribute that peace to The Great Physician, but I know... beyond a SHADOW of a doubt that The Great Physician had put this great physician right there for this time for US. I know it as sure as I now know how to spell his name. :)
I've read that "you don't choose The Med, you wake up in The Med"... that's mostly true although we were sort of offered a choice, one I am so very grateful we took. However, if you do end up, wake up, or even choose The Med in a trauma situation... you hope Dr. Croce is on call. They are all good there, we had many, many of the staff doctors and nurses guarding and watching over Thomas. Its just that, basically, Dr Croce is the B.M.I.C in Trauma. (Big Man In Charge) The residents, who do a LOT of the work, snap to attention when he is around and even more so if he is the attending on a patient. Dr Croce, or just "Croce" as I somewhere along the line began to call him (?!?), being the Medical Director of one of the busiest trauma centers in the country is in pretty high demand as a consultant and speaker. After October 8, I think he was out of town every weekend during our 6 week stay. There you go... one of our first miracles.
Croce has the ability to lift a little of the weight off your shoulders. He has got to be one of the busiest people in that whole hospital, yet... you will get his UNdivided attention if you need to speak to him. You can ask him the same thing 10 times and he's not going to get irritated with you. He cares. Simple as that. He absolutely cares and it just radiates from him. His life has not been untouched by heartbreak and I sometimes wondered how he does what he does every day. But, I know too, that he has used his personal experiences to make himself a deeper, richer, even more empathetic and caring doctor. However, even though I didn't know him then, I have a feeling he was always this way. Every resident respects (and probably fears) him, every patient family adores him. And my family and I... we are at the front of that line. He may or may not know it but I think he is one of those angels I talked about a few months ago. Dr. Martin Croce is so smack in the middle of God's will for his life that he can't help but but be the extension of the HIS hand.... Croce makes it possible for God to physically reach out and touch you.
We love him. We thank God for him,we ask His blessings on him, to guide and protect him every day so that he can mean to so many others what he did to us. God bless his own family, too.
Croce. The first of many miracles in our ordeal... the first of my tributes. Thank you. HIOTT
 |
| Croce and Thomas. Christmas Eve 2010. |
One FLU over the cukoo's nest...
Yep, our "hospital" just got a new patient. Mary-Carter has the flu. (Seems like last fall I was supposed to have taken them to get shots...hmmmm, think I missed that.)
Anway, she is on the mend but we are sure praying that is stops with her and most certainly that Thomas doesn't get it. If so... now THAT would be what put me in that nest!
He had a great report from The Med last week and has now been instructed to focus the majority of his time on physical therapy. He is still doing really well... it just takes time, time, and more time. Praise the Lord that we have it!
He is having a lot of trouble with allergies. We wonder how much of it has to do with the total blood transfusion that he had. Its all new to him, the reactions, the blood... all new. Weird.
Ok... thats about it. Thanks for caring about Thomas and our family. We appreciate you more than you know.
HIOTT.... I think with Easter approaching, HIOTT is more appropriate than ever.
Happy Valentine's Day...
Julie and Thomas
Anway, she is on the mend but we are sure praying that is stops with her and most certainly that Thomas doesn't get it. If so... now THAT would be what put me in that nest!
He had a great report from The Med last week and has now been instructed to focus the majority of his time on physical therapy. He is still doing really well... it just takes time, time, and more time. Praise the Lord that we have it!
He is having a lot of trouble with allergies. We wonder how much of it has to do with the total blood transfusion that he had. Its all new to him, the reactions, the blood... all new. Weird.
Ok... thats about it. Thanks for caring about Thomas and our family. We appreciate you more than you know.
HIOTT.... I think with Easter approaching, HIOTT is more appropriate than ever.
Happy Valentine's Day...
Julie and Thomas
Saturday, February 12, 2011
And the winner is....
M. Brad Mayfield M.D
This is him now, with his beautiful wife Kellee, his parents Wanda and Pat Mayfield and his precious daughter, Mary-Margaret.
This was him then.... with a girl who had a very misguided idea about a cute hairdo and a great buddy to both, Jeff Vickers.
Brad and I have been friends forever, as evidenced by the above photo! He is an awesome guy who found the perfect match in his wife Kellee. Theirs was one of my all time favorite weddings! I am so proud for him, what he has accomplished in his life and the fact that he gets to raise a daughter! :) Brad, will you let her ride four (not three, like us) wheelers? I sure hope so! Some of the best times I had growing up.
Anyway, besides being a great guy, Brad has always been brilliant. I have to rat him out a little and tell you that once in Junior High, I sent him a note during school...you know, like passed it back from one row to the next. He sent it back to me, with CORRECTIONS! :) I think it was just more than he could take. No telling what he'd like to do with portions of this blog! I am blessed to know him and was so happy when he texted me the PERFECT suggestion for the blog's new name. "Still Standin"!
He is "Still Brilliant!" :)
He is "Still Brilliant!" :)
Thank you EVERYBODY who sent me a suggestion. I got some awesome ones and T and I had a hard time choosing. Some others we had: Through it All; HIOTT, Walking in Memphis, T the Man, Lucky to have Thomas (that had a funny double meaning), Thomas Had a Great Fall but his legions of prayer warriors put him back on that Wall, and more! Thanks yall for caring enough to contribute!
M. Brad, thank you for being a part of ALL of this with me, even from a distance. It means the world to me and I have to stop typing now, my eyes are blurred with tears. Love you and your sweet family, too.
My favorite line... "looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid..."
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Whats in a name....
I have been thinking about changing the name of the blog. "Praying for Thomas" has been a perfect name, and we still covet and appreciate your prayers. The biggest challenges now are still just rehabilitation. Thomas works really hard but it just takes time. His personal, short term goal is to return to work by March 1.
Now, onto other business....
I am curious. My friends and family are some of the most talented folks I know and certainly smarter than me, so... let me pick your brains. If you could rename this blog, what would you name it?
I had struggled with the need to keep the blog at all, but I have heard from several, especially ones who live away who still use it to follow his progress, so I will. Its no trouble, I just didnt' know when I was 'supposed' to stop. Blog protocol... not up on it.
So, if I am going to continue, I thought a new name might be an idea... something that is clever, that describes the whole ordeal somehow....I've toyed with "To the Med and Back", "TMI", and also had the suggestion of "Shake a Leg" haha. We aren't offended so... bring it on! Any and all suggestions are welcome! You can reply to this post, however I have heard from a lot who suddenly began having trouble posting. If Facebook is easier for you, that's fine too or email.
We will pick a winner and make some kind of hoopla about it! So, put on your thinkin' caps and send me your ideas! Can't wait!
Thanks for caring for our family, for reading this blog and for your prayers...
HIOTT...
Now, onto other business....
I am curious. My friends and family are some of the most talented folks I know and certainly smarter than me, so... let me pick your brains. If you could rename this blog, what would you name it?
I had struggled with the need to keep the blog at all, but I have heard from several, especially ones who live away who still use it to follow his progress, so I will. Its no trouble, I just didnt' know when I was 'supposed' to stop. Blog protocol... not up on it.
So, if I am going to continue, I thought a new name might be an idea... something that is clever, that describes the whole ordeal somehow....I've toyed with "To the Med and Back", "TMI", and also had the suggestion of "Shake a Leg" haha. We aren't offended so... bring it on! Any and all suggestions are welcome! You can reply to this post, however I have heard from a lot who suddenly began having trouble posting. If Facebook is easier for you, that's fine too or email.
We will pick a winner and make some kind of hoopla about it! So, put on your thinkin' caps and send me your ideas! Can't wait!
Thanks for caring for our family, for reading this blog and for your prayers...
HIOTT...
 |
| Big cheesy grin from T's "mini-me" |
Friday, January 21, 2011
"Forget You"
I can't get this song out of my head! Do you think Gwyneth would be willing to come here and perform it for us and say, oh... I don't know, a certain doctor with bedside manner issues? :)
Is she (Gwyneth) gifted or what? I have always wished I could sing! Her gift, so not mine.
Just for 'kicks', T had an MRI of his knee a few days before Christmas. The results of it were that the ligaments he needs are in tact. (Hence the song dedication....)
What we've really learned though, is everybody has a different opinion on it and we just have to decide for ourselves what we are going to do, not do, try for, accept. We have had to learn not to react to any news, good OR bad. Just take it in stride. There is no 'for sure' so.... it boils down to your God given ability to work hard to change the things you can and accept the things you can't. Thomas Mullins has that drive in abundance, thankfully. If it were me, I can tell you right now, I'd have thrown a crutch at somebody by now.
His healing is still progressing, which is very good. He exercises every day. It exhausts him but he still does it faithfully. His stamina HAS improved so much.
His grafts have just done so well. I've heard the word 'perfect' tossed around. Its certainly nothing I have any frame of reference on at ALL, so to hear that type of reaction is great news. When this all started, I remember thinking grafts would have to be done in stages, then possibly RE-done, etc., etc. So, for one grafting surgery and recovery from that to have been smooth, relatively speaking, we are so happy. You can barely tell now that the donor leg was the donor leg. Shockingly good news... I did NOT know what that leg would look like after that surgery, let me tell you. It was... well, you just don't ever want to have skin grafts if you can help it. Nuff said.
We still have obstacles to overcome. Snow days have been a challenge. I think I wrote before that T and I are the biggest kids in our house. Him having to sit on the sidelines and watch requires him/us to squash down a threat of self pity that likes to rise up. Its a deliberate choice. If anything, I am always amazed at Thomas' ability to see the glass half full, to be grateful, optimistic, determined. He is so laid back and patient that it is very easy to miss the fact that he is so driven. I missed it til after we were married a while.
Thomas' life has been steeped in ... the word that jumps in my head is "quality". He was raised by the highest quality parents and siblings,just the finest people. He has the highest quality of friends... from every stage of his life! His 'childhood' friends were here (you read about them) others have reached out so much, his extended family and friends from his life in Alabama have been wonderful blessings to us, his work friends rolled out in droves to fill in for him and support him/us, his friends from our life here in Germantown have walked along with us every step of the way, lifted us up, met every conceivable need. And, of course it goes with out saying that he MARRIED into quality! :) hee hee.
Thomas hasn't led a pampered life by any stretch of the imagination. He worked his way through college, juggling multiple jobs and classes. He worked every summer since he was able, saving money all along the way (opposites attract:)) so, its really no surprise that his work ethic is what it is... its just part of him. Its been instilled in him that quality can't and doesn't come from money or things or status or prestige. It comes from the love of good people. He's had it his whole life and he pays it back, he pays it forward. Thomas, in this regard, might be the wealthiest man on Earth.
Thank you for caring about him, our family and for your prayers and support.
HIOTT...
Oh, p.s....
I've got to tell you my favorite part of this video if the very beginning... "Top 40, sweet cheeks"! I LOVE it. Thats gonna be my new mantra for this decade of my own life! :)
Saturday, January 15, 2011
should I, should I not....
Lately, I have been undecided if I should update the blog or not. Us, ad nauseum? :) Hypothetically speaking of course, not a poll! :)
Occasionally, though, things happen or cross my mind that I think would be good information to share. There are many of you, FOT (Friends Of Thomas), out there and I love how much you all love him, care about whats going on, I know you want to follow his progress and I love that too! So, here I am updating... gladly.
In the few weeks that T has had his brace, I have seen him really push the limits... all in the quest to walk again. The last visit he had to his therapist, Sandy, she worked him over! I was sitting on a stool watching him thinking, as I so often do, of a movie quote (either that or a song). This time it was a quote from "My Best Friends Wedding". Did you see it? Cute. This particular quote was from Julia Roberts. She was at a baseball game with her bff who was getting ready to marry Cameron Diaz.
So,as I sat watching Thomas, bolstered with brace and crutches, do all these new "moves" at Sandy's command, this was the quote that crossed my mind...
Occasionally, though, things happen or cross my mind that I think would be good information to share. There are many of you, FOT (Friends Of Thomas), out there and I love how much you all love him, care about whats going on, I know you want to follow his progress and I love that too! So, here I am updating... gladly.
In the few weeks that T has had his brace, I have seen him really push the limits... all in the quest to walk again. The last visit he had to his therapist, Sandy, she worked him over! I was sitting on a stool watching him thinking, as I so often do, of a movie quote (either that or a song). This time it was a quote from "My Best Friends Wedding". Did you see it? Cute. This particular quote was from Julia Roberts. She was at a baseball game with her bff who was getting ready to marry Cameron Diaz.
So,as I sat watching Thomas, bolstered with brace and crutches, do all these new "moves" at Sandy's command, this was the quote that crossed my mind...
I could not believe I found that on YouTube knew it was a sign that I had to blog it! :) Cause his new moves were certainly ones I had not seen! They were great, too.
T is doing so well. He still has healing to do and he is still unable to walk without two crutches... but, if you had seen him when he first came home from the hospital ... when getting himself from our bedroom to the sofa was a day's work, his progress is amazing! Now, he can sit without his leg propped up for more than an hour at a time. He trys to do as much as he can unassisted and that list grows all the time.
As I type this entry, he is getting beat in playing chess with Reed. It's one of those things that I realize is precious and I am so thankful for it. Reed Mullins loves, loves, loves his Dad. They look an awful lot alike and the bond is even deeper than that.
There are specifics on our prayer list. They are that our children would remain stress free in this situation, that T could soon get a good/complete night's sleep, that he heals completely soon and requires no more surgeries, that we make Godly and wise decisions as we deal with the details of all that has happened to him.
Our praises out weigh that list.
We have seen God's hand move not only in our life, but in that of our whole community. One such thing was this past week when I attended a bible study at the encouragement of a treasured friend. I didn't even know the name of the study before we arrived ... it is "A Life Interrupted..." and the study of Jonah. Hmmmm. Do you think I arrived at that class by accident? Nope.
What I know I should do... and I will do, blog wise, is that series of tribute entries. I hope to get to that soon.
Until then, thank you for caring about my family. I hope you are blessed by what God has done in all this. He has used Thomas and what he has been through to show His power and His grace. I pray that everyone who follows it finds a blessing, a source of peace, a renewed faith...
H.I.O.T.T...
jcm
Thursday, January 6, 2011
dang it!
I just sat here and wrote for an hour. My internet went down and I lost it all.
oh. my. word. I. am. so. frustrated.
there was much more said but the main point was that I didn't intend to send a link to that whole album. sorry. that seems sort of like 'Us, ad nauseum'.
t had his first physical/occupational therapy with new fancy brace yesterday=good.
clinic at med went really well too.
uh. still. so. mad.
oh. my. word. I. am. so. frustrated.
there was much more said but the main point was that I didn't intend to send a link to that whole album. sorry. that seems sort of like 'Us, ad nauseum'.
t had his first physical/occupational therapy with new fancy brace yesterday=good.
clinic at med went really well too.
uh. still. so. mad.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Brace Yourself!
Finally, we got the long awaited carbon fiber, spring loaded, lock enabled brace! Like a lot of things, getting to the right place/person/insurance approved company, etc was a challenge but...what a wonderful after Christmas gift. It is so fancy, you'd think we got a new car with all our excitement! You'd be expecting to see more than you do, but the fact that it is small is one of the best features! Brad, Thomas' friend I've mentioned earlier, said today..."It sounds like its bionic or something... like the Six Million Dollar Man!" Since the price tag was a little shy of six million, we feel like we got a heck of a deal! :) Doesn't really matter anyway... so worth it. Thomas is still figuring out the kinks and it will take some getting used to, but its already proven to be a value...
For the first time in 6 weeks since his release from the hospital, T was going into the Med on crutches (vs wheelchair). It had been raining here all day and we were late since we spent extra time at the 'brace place' practicing and getting detailed instructions. We were making time down the hallway to Clinic when one crutch slipped. If it had been one day earlier, down he would have gone. Its too early yet for him to walk on the brace unassisted by crutches but, it definitely provides security already. That's just a wonderful feeling for him. Me too!
We are exactly TWELVE weeks into this whole journey. I can't believe it. Fast and slow...
T gets stronger every day. He is probably the hardest worker I've ever met... I knew that he was driven in his career but this has brought a whole new side of him to light. I dont' know if its being the fifth of five kids or just a special God given gift, probably some of both, but he is very determined. He has set some goals for himself as to when he plans to be entirely prosthetic free (no crutches, no brace)! If any of you saw Gwynth Paltrow on Glee this past fall, she sang a cleaned up version of the C-Lo Song..( her version) entitled "Forget You". You can google her appearance on Glee and get it from YouTube. She was awesome! But anyway, that's kind of the song I sing in my head (cause you don't want to hear me singing out loud) about that infamous visit to the hand specialist! :) Ugh.
We love you guys for caring for our family, for Thomas and for your faithful friendship and prayers. Its in my plan to try to update the blog about once a week at minimum. I hope to start a tribute series next. I'm rolling it around in my head (I've got LOTS of planing time while relaxing in the clinic waiting room at the Med) the things I want to share about many of you, our family and friends who have helped carry us through this, who have been the hands and feet of Jesus. I have funny stories and tearful ones. I want to get them down because just in talking with my sisters over the holiday, its amazing the things I am already forgetting.
I hope you shared a joyful Christmas with YOUR family and friends. We certainly did. We are blessed with precious, fun, funny, kind people in our immediate world. As we get ready to enter a new year, we are filled with hope and we are certainly looking forward to health and blessings that we can both give and receive.
HIOTT....
Julie
For the first time in 6 weeks since his release from the hospital, T was going into the Med on crutches (vs wheelchair). It had been raining here all day and we were late since we spent extra time at the 'brace place' practicing and getting detailed instructions. We were making time down the hallway to Clinic when one crutch slipped. If it had been one day earlier, down he would have gone. Its too early yet for him to walk on the brace unassisted by crutches but, it definitely provides security already. That's just a wonderful feeling for him. Me too!
We are exactly TWELVE weeks into this whole journey. I can't believe it. Fast and slow...
T gets stronger every day. He is probably the hardest worker I've ever met... I knew that he was driven in his career but this has brought a whole new side of him to light. I dont' know if its being the fifth of five kids or just a special God given gift, probably some of both, but he is very determined. He has set some goals for himself as to when he plans to be entirely prosthetic free (no crutches, no brace)! If any of you saw Gwynth Paltrow on Glee this past fall, she sang a cleaned up version of the C-Lo Song..( her version) entitled "Forget You". You can google her appearance on Glee and get it from YouTube. She was awesome! But anyway, that's kind of the song I sing in my head (cause you don't want to hear me singing out loud) about that infamous visit to the hand specialist! :) Ugh.
We love you guys for caring for our family, for Thomas and for your faithful friendship and prayers. Its in my plan to try to update the blog about once a week at minimum. I hope to start a tribute series next. I'm rolling it around in my head (I've got LOTS of planing time while relaxing in the clinic waiting room at the Med) the things I want to share about many of you, our family and friends who have helped carry us through this, who have been the hands and feet of Jesus. I have funny stories and tearful ones. I want to get them down because just in talking with my sisters over the holiday, its amazing the things I am already forgetting.
I hope you shared a joyful Christmas with YOUR family and friends. We certainly did. We are blessed with precious, fun, funny, kind people in our immediate world. As we get ready to enter a new year, we are filled with hope and we are certainly looking forward to health and blessings that we can both give and receive.
HIOTT....
Julie
Saturday, December 18, 2010
You got to have your very own broom..
The lyrics certainly don't had better not apply but, the song just makes us smile! And, its what we think of when we visit our pals a few times a week down at the Med's clinic... LOTS of sassy brooms down there! (You'll have to listen the whole way through to get that and the title of this post...)
Thursday, December 16, 2010
So, what happened was....
Two weeks ago, we were referred to a doctor who was new in this whole mix. I wrote about that briefly in
"Knocked Down".
The thing with Doctors is ... some have the gifts of both medical skill and 'bedside' manner. Some dont'. In in a situation like ours, you encounter them all. Learning to take what they have to say to you and how they say it is a skill all your own...you gotta develop it, though. Two weeks ago, our "skills" in hearing info delivered in a less than empathetic way werent' as strong as they needed to be. We both took it hard and have taken the last few weeks to process it, sometimes needing to have the infamous 'pity parties on the attic floor', in my case! :)
When we left The Med, doctors ( and there were so many different ones) generally said that Thomas would probably never run a marathon, but was he going to anyway? Doctor humor. But, within reason, they thought he would return to a lifestyle similar to the one he was pulled from in early October. Drastic measures such as amputation were no longer mentioned... those 'options' hadn't been mentioned since about week 2 of his hospital stay.
Our visit to New Doctor (who we later learned is a hand specialist... go figure) pulled the plug on our bright hopes within minutes of him walking in to our room. In his underdeveloped bedside manner, he told us that Thomas had three choices:
1. amputation
2. fusion
3. a life time in a brace; IF his leg would be usable at all
Do these seem like choices to you? Option 3, thanks. Yes, final answer.
When we mentioned the prognosis we had received at the end of our stay at the Med, he guffawed and said "Any athletics for you are over...." And then, he had his tech bring in the brace he thought Thomas would need. Picture Optimus Prime from Transformers. Big. Metal. Heavy. Complicated.
Now we realize that it probably shouldn't have come as such a shock. We weren't so misguided that we didn't know his capabilities would be different. But, we did dream that he'd be able to go hunting with Reed, maybe ride a four wheeler or bike, dance with me or Mary-Carter..... I can't tell you how much of it was our hopes being over inflated or how much of it was the delivery that just punched holes in any hopes at all. In any case, for about two weeks, we were just down. Thomas is still here, by the grace of God. Praise, praise, praise oh praise! The miracle of that is not lost on us. However, there are things in our life that are irrevocably different. We have to deal with those differences and mourn some of the things that we will no longer have. We have to do that in order to move forward. We both felt guilty for our sadness and its taken some time (about two weeks!) for me to be able to say these things.
We were back at the Med for clinic at the end of last week. These appointments are pretty long and where he gets his dressings changed. Catharine, one of our favorite 'clean up" nurses was listening to Thomas tell her his most recent prognosis and that we had been fitted with a custom brace. She sees Thomas as a son, I can tell by the way she talks to him, she babys him. I love it. But, she said and I quote:
(Looking over her bifocals, staring him in the eyes and with a sigh...)
"Well, as close as you came to death honey, a lifetime in a brace is really a small price to pay."
It hit home. Those words fell on us as heavily as New Doctor's did, but in a healing, helpful, encouraging way. She was/is right. And, its a price we can pay. Thomas is still here. Praise, praise, praise Oh, Praise. He can help our kids with homework (praise times a million!), he is beginning to drive some, he can watch sports with Reed, he can tell Mary-Carter she is beautiful every morning before school, he can let her boss him around with her super strict do-it-yourself-so-you'll-get-better regime! Thomas is still here, thank you All Mighty God. HE chose to work a miracle here in this house, in this family, in this community. HE worked that miracle for a reason, for a greater purpose and Thomas is still here for that reason, for that purpose. We'll find it. We are looking for it... more now than I was last week when I was a dusty, mopey weirdo hanging out in my attic.
Its a crazy, unrelenting roller coaster of emotions to go through something like this. But, today, I feel like we are standing firm again on the foundation of our Lord's righteousness. I am sure there will be more loop-de-loops to come. We'll hang on, of course.
Today, we have an MRI. Its not something Thomas is looking forward to at all, but, as our Catharine told him... small price. The MRI is necessary to see what is exactly left in his leg and whats not. This will help therapists know how best to exercise the leg, whether the brace is lifelong or not... not a worry anyway! We ditched the transformer brace and got fitted for an AWESOME custom brace that will weigh less than 3 lbs., it will have a lock on it that will facilitate him standing for longer periods of time. Its E-Zzzzzz to put on!
As I mentioned, T has driven our car. First time since October 5! He said he wanted to and I said, "What if you have a wreck and break your leg! Then we will really have some problems!" He shot back, "What if YOU have a wreck and break my leg..." So, ahem....he drove.
One of those seemingly little things that is actually huge. Like many things along the way... like when a doctor has both medical skill and bedside manner. This sounds overly dramatic but when you get those amazing ones, they are just like ... like your favorite pillow! They are so comforting. Seemingly small but so, so huge.
Thomas is progressing. He is so determined and is working so hard. Just getting in the car takes effort, takes strength. He doesn't ever lose patience. He rarely gets frustrated. God is all around him, I can see.
So.... that is what happened and this is where we are today. Writing this blog is both a gift to me and a challenge. Ive said before, knowing what to write and how is hard. I look back on some and think about deleting them. Then I dont' because it is a record of our journey. Its a very vulnerable feeling to have these words out there... and, to hear some say how much they admire the words is very nice. I am very humbled and touched and also, very thankful if these entries have meant something to you. However, I have to close by saying.... anything you find admirable is not of me, its not me at all. The 'amazing' words you read, the strength you see, the encouragement you find is all completely of God. I just had the chance to be a vessel,to be used to type HIS words. I will disappoint you tomorrow, heck, maybe even today if you see me!! :) God will never disappoint you, though. Read this blog and realize who is speaking to you. Its not me. Seek HIM. Offer HIM your admiration and your PRAISE. That's where you will find the strength, the encouragement, the peace.... believe me.
Thank you for caring for our family and reading our blog.
HIOTT (HE is on the throne) ...
Julie
"Knocked Down".
The thing with Doctors is ... some have the gifts of both medical skill and 'bedside' manner. Some dont'. In in a situation like ours, you encounter them all. Learning to take what they have to say to you and how they say it is a skill all your own...you gotta develop it, though. Two weeks ago, our "skills" in hearing info delivered in a less than empathetic way werent' as strong as they needed to be. We both took it hard and have taken the last few weeks to process it, sometimes needing to have the infamous 'pity parties on the attic floor', in my case! :)
When we left The Med, doctors ( and there were so many different ones) generally said that Thomas would probably never run a marathon, but was he going to anyway? Doctor humor. But, within reason, they thought he would return to a lifestyle similar to the one he was pulled from in early October. Drastic measures such as amputation were no longer mentioned... those 'options' hadn't been mentioned since about week 2 of his hospital stay.
Our visit to New Doctor (who we later learned is a hand specialist... go figure) pulled the plug on our bright hopes within minutes of him walking in to our room. In his underdeveloped bedside manner, he told us that Thomas had three choices:
1. amputation
2. fusion
3. a life time in a brace; IF his leg would be usable at all
Do these seem like choices to you? Option 3, thanks. Yes, final answer.
When we mentioned the prognosis we had received at the end of our stay at the Med, he guffawed and said "Any athletics for you are over...." And then, he had his tech bring in the brace he thought Thomas would need. Picture Optimus Prime from Transformers. Big. Metal. Heavy. Complicated.
Now we realize that it probably shouldn't have come as such a shock. We weren't so misguided that we didn't know his capabilities would be different. But, we did dream that he'd be able to go hunting with Reed, maybe ride a four wheeler or bike, dance with me or Mary-Carter..... I can't tell you how much of it was our hopes being over inflated or how much of it was the delivery that just punched holes in any hopes at all. In any case, for about two weeks, we were just down. Thomas is still here, by the grace of God. Praise, praise, praise oh praise! The miracle of that is not lost on us. However, there are things in our life that are irrevocably different. We have to deal with those differences and mourn some of the things that we will no longer have. We have to do that in order to move forward. We both felt guilty for our sadness and its taken some time (about two weeks!) for me to be able to say these things.
We were back at the Med for clinic at the end of last week. These appointments are pretty long and where he gets his dressings changed. Catharine, one of our favorite 'clean up" nurses was listening to Thomas tell her his most recent prognosis and that we had been fitted with a custom brace. She sees Thomas as a son, I can tell by the way she talks to him, she babys him. I love it. But, she said and I quote:
(Looking over her bifocals, staring him in the eyes and with a sigh...)
"Well, as close as you came to death honey, a lifetime in a brace is really a small price to pay."
It hit home. Those words fell on us as heavily as New Doctor's did, but in a healing, helpful, encouraging way. She was/is right. And, its a price we can pay. Thomas is still here. Praise, praise, praise Oh, Praise. He can help our kids with homework (praise times a million!), he is beginning to drive some, he can watch sports with Reed, he can tell Mary-Carter she is beautiful every morning before school, he can let her boss him around with her super strict do-it-yourself-so-you'll-get-better regime! Thomas is still here, thank you All Mighty God. HE chose to work a miracle here in this house, in this family, in this community. HE worked that miracle for a reason, for a greater purpose and Thomas is still here for that reason, for that purpose. We'll find it. We are looking for it... more now than I was last week when I was a dusty, mopey weirdo hanging out in my attic.
Its a crazy, unrelenting roller coaster of emotions to go through something like this. But, today, I feel like we are standing firm again on the foundation of our Lord's righteousness. I am sure there will be more loop-de-loops to come. We'll hang on, of course.
Today, we have an MRI. Its not something Thomas is looking forward to at all, but, as our Catharine told him... small price. The MRI is necessary to see what is exactly left in his leg and whats not. This will help therapists know how best to exercise the leg, whether the brace is lifelong or not... not a worry anyway! We ditched the transformer brace and got fitted for an AWESOME custom brace that will weigh less than 3 lbs., it will have a lock on it that will facilitate him standing for longer periods of time. Its E-Zzzzzz to put on!
As I mentioned, T has driven our car. First time since October 5! He said he wanted to and I said, "What if you have a wreck and break your leg! Then we will really have some problems!" He shot back, "What if YOU have a wreck and break my leg..." So, ahem....he drove.
One of those seemingly little things that is actually huge. Like many things along the way... like when a doctor has both medical skill and bedside manner. This sounds overly dramatic but when you get those amazing ones, they are just like ... like your favorite pillow! They are so comforting. Seemingly small but so, so huge.
Thomas is progressing. He is so determined and is working so hard. Just getting in the car takes effort, takes strength. He doesn't ever lose patience. He rarely gets frustrated. God is all around him, I can see.
So.... that is what happened and this is where we are today. Writing this blog is both a gift to me and a challenge. Ive said before, knowing what to write and how is hard. I look back on some and think about deleting them. Then I dont' because it is a record of our journey. Its a very vulnerable feeling to have these words out there... and, to hear some say how much they admire the words is very nice. I am very humbled and touched and also, very thankful if these entries have meant something to you. However, I have to close by saying.... anything you find admirable is not of me, its not me at all. The 'amazing' words you read, the strength you see, the encouragement you find is all completely of God. I just had the chance to be a vessel,to be used to type HIS words. I will disappoint you tomorrow, heck, maybe even today if you see me!! :) God will never disappoint you, though. Read this blog and realize who is speaking to you. Its not me. Seek HIM. Offer HIM your admiration and your PRAISE. That's where you will find the strength, the encouragement, the peace.... believe me.
Thank you for caring for our family and reading our blog.
HIOTT (HE is on the throne) ...
Julie
Thursday, December 9, 2010
whats in the attic...
Long time, no type. Lots of reasons. One being that, even though we are 'home' (from the hospital)... we are rarely AT home! We go somewhere every single day... either to rehabilitation or to The Med, for lengthy appointments. Thursdays are supposed to be our day off, but today we went for a custom brace fitting. All in all, that was kind of fun in comparison to our other outings!
Prior to that appointment though, I was in high gear today. Aren't we all this time of year? But seeing as my time to accomplish the things of December has been squeezed a little, I was making hay this Thursday, our 'day off'.
I am so blessed to have had several of you who collected to provide help around our house. Oh. My. Goodness. I am so, so thankful! We'd be living in complete squalor with out that help. So, trying to stay ahead of their progress around the house today, I was upstairs racing to get all our (now) empty Christmas decoration boxes back up to the attic so they could shovel out the dirt. I was also trying to place orders online and do a a little laundry but, once I got UP-upstairs, I was totally distracted. Attics always do that to me... complete time warp. Memory Lane.
One thing that distracted me was a big, giant, really organized and well labled bin, with Bounce dryer sheets stuck down inside so it'd smell fresh when we reopened (my favorite!) full of ski wear. Ski Wear...ski. wear. :(
Well, let me give you the true confession. I sat down in my Christmas pajama pants on our dusty attic floor and had a pity party. We took our kids skiing for the very first time last year. Nothing fancy, just to the slopes outside St. Louis, but it was great and I highly recommend it! We enrolled the kids in ski school and, as they wobbled off, T. and I hopped the lift for a quick, kid free run down (the baby bunny maybe a green for me but easily a double blue, even black for him) the slopes before they returned. It was their very first time on skis and being our first day of the trip, we were really hopeful they would enjoy it and we'd all have a great time. As we rode that lift, we held our puffy gloved hands and prayed that God would bless our kids, protect them and give them enough joy in this 'sport' that it would be something we could all do as a family. Something we could anticipate, something that we could make a tradition...
T and I did our runs a few times then, with a little trepidation, went to retrieve them from school. The two, cutely clad novices we sent wobbling off were returning as two cutely clad beginning skiiers! They did great! We were just jublient! This was a vacation we could do together, get exercise and therefore eat a lot, as a family! Perfect! Thanks, God for the answered prayer! Good times, good times.
That was almost exactly one year ago. And, when I found all those well packed ski clothes today... I said the unspeakable. I said, "Why me?" as I cried over something lost.
Why me?
I'm really not sure how long I sat up there. Not that long, as I still completed a few of the other tasks on my list. But, after the "party of one" upstairs on the floor in my attic, I did tell Thomas about it. Weird. He's the one hurt and the one I am who's supposed to be supporting him! But even now, he is still the one comforting me! Seriously, I married well.
He said, I am not really asking "Why me"... even though he said it's crossed his mind. Instead, he is asking, "Whats the purpose?" This whole ordeal is what it is... it has happened and it is a real thing, so, "Why Me?" does us absolutley no good.
"Whats the purpose?" on the other hand has possibility. It has hope in it. It has the future in it. In asking about the purpose, we acknowledge and even accept the changes in our lives with eyes wide open, looking for the connection/the purpose ... the way it will be used for the greater good. Thomas, pun intended, is a bigger man than me! :) He's got the strength to ask the better question.
I cling to my faith. But, if it means that my faith is weak or that I am weak or what, I don' t know but, I admit that every day I have a moment where I feel sad or even mad, frustrated or aggravated. What I think "faith" is, though, is that deliberate decision to say, "God is in control of this. His plan is always perfect. We are His children. This is not mine to manage and we trust Him. " A coming about.
I was looking through T's bible and a verse he had dog earred is 1 Peter 5:6-11. It speaks so well to our entire story ... even the ski lift:
" Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may LIFT you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled (I'm hearing "don't sit in your Christmas pajama pants and have a pity party on the attic floor") and be alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To HIM be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
Pity party, over.
Anyway, when you have on the proper gear, which we have and it smells like Bounce...it is very cool to sit by the fire at a ski resort.
Thank you for caring for our family, for reading this blog (set up against my will but has become so therapeutic for me!) and for your prayers! We appreciate you more than words can ever say...
HIOTT,
jcm
Prior to that appointment though, I was in high gear today. Aren't we all this time of year? But seeing as my time to accomplish the things of December has been squeezed a little, I was making hay this Thursday, our 'day off'.
I am so blessed to have had several of you who collected to provide help around our house. Oh. My. Goodness. I am so, so thankful! We'd be living in complete squalor with out that help. So, trying to stay ahead of their progress around the house today, I was upstairs racing to get all our (now) empty Christmas decoration boxes back up to the attic so they could shovel out the dirt. I was also trying to place orders online and do a a little laundry but, once I got UP-upstairs, I was totally distracted. Attics always do that to me... complete time warp. Memory Lane.
One thing that distracted me was a big, giant, really organized and well labled bin, with Bounce dryer sheets stuck down inside so it'd smell fresh when we reopened (my favorite!) full of ski wear. Ski Wear...ski. wear. :(
Well, let me give you the true confession. I sat down in my Christmas pajama pants on our dusty attic floor and had a pity party. We took our kids skiing for the very first time last year. Nothing fancy, just to the slopes outside St. Louis, but it was great and I highly recommend it! We enrolled the kids in ski school and, as they wobbled off, T. and I hopped the lift for a quick, kid free run down (the baby bunny maybe a green for me but easily a double blue, even black for him) the slopes before they returned. It was their very first time on skis and being our first day of the trip, we were really hopeful they would enjoy it and we'd all have a great time. As we rode that lift, we held our puffy gloved hands and prayed that God would bless our kids, protect them and give them enough joy in this 'sport' that it would be something we could all do as a family. Something we could anticipate, something that we could make a tradition...
T and I did our runs a few times then, with a little trepidation, went to retrieve them from school. The two, cutely clad novices we sent wobbling off were returning as two cutely clad beginning skiiers! They did great! We were just jublient! This was a vacation we could do together, get exercise and therefore eat a lot, as a family! Perfect! Thanks, God for the answered prayer! Good times, good times.
That was almost exactly one year ago. And, when I found all those well packed ski clothes today... I said the unspeakable. I said, "Why me?" as I cried over something lost.
Why me?
I'm really not sure how long I sat up there. Not that long, as I still completed a few of the other tasks on my list. But, after the "party of one" upstairs on the floor in my attic, I did tell Thomas about it. Weird. He's the one hurt and the one I am who's supposed to be supporting him! But even now, he is still the one comforting me! Seriously, I married well.
He said, I am not really asking "Why me"... even though he said it's crossed his mind. Instead, he is asking, "Whats the purpose?" This whole ordeal is what it is... it has happened and it is a real thing, so, "Why Me?" does us absolutley no good.
"Whats the purpose?" on the other hand has possibility. It has hope in it. It has the future in it. In asking about the purpose, we acknowledge and even accept the changes in our lives with eyes wide open, looking for the connection/the purpose ... the way it will be used for the greater good. Thomas, pun intended, is a bigger man than me! :) He's got the strength to ask the better question.
I cling to my faith. But, if it means that my faith is weak or that I am weak or what, I don' t know but, I admit that every day I have a moment where I feel sad or even mad, frustrated or aggravated. What I think "faith" is, though, is that deliberate decision to say, "God is in control of this. His plan is always perfect. We are His children. This is not mine to manage and we trust Him. " A coming about.
I was looking through T's bible and a verse he had dog earred is 1 Peter 5:6-11. It speaks so well to our entire story ... even the ski lift:
" Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may LIFT you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled (I'm hearing "don't sit in your Christmas pajama pants and have a pity party on the attic floor") and be alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To HIM be the power for ever and ever. Amen."
Pity party, over.
Anyway, when you have on the proper gear, which we have and it smells like Bounce...it is very cool to sit by the fire at a ski resort.
Thank you for caring for our family, for reading this blog (set up against my will but has become so therapeutic for me!) and for your prayers! We appreciate you more than words can ever say...
HIOTT,
jcm
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
knocked down but...
Just like Kasey Kasem would say, I've got a dedication (not long distance, though) from Julie to Thomas....
You amaze and inspire me. So thankful that you keep getting back up. I love you...
tools
It's really important to have good tools. My Dad has said that. I have thought that while attending a Pampered Chef party (I am such a marketer's dream). And, Thomas has said that, although I don't think he ever appreciated it as much as he did today.
See, skin staples are a common and essential part of surgery...to attach or close something. But, often more than not, they have to be removed. What one really hopes to avoid is them getting 'embedded'. Hmmmm. See where I am going with this?
Staples? check. Embedded? Check, check. Quality (read: Ethicon) staple remover? Oh, no. No. Not at all.
What do you do? Dig.
I had to sit down. And, I am not even the one experiencing this "expedition' that was going on!
After some colorful commentary and a few tests of the bolts on the arm rest, staples were out and all was good.
We had just settled in back home when Mr. and Mrs. Rehabilitation called. They wanted to see him. Right away. It was a good thing but one of those good things you don't really want to do. Had to.
This time, I just thought I'd be of best help if I was on the other side of the office, clear across from the workout room, filling out papers. I mean, gotta be cautious... wouldn't want to over tax myself too much in one day. :0 (me, me, me, me!!!!!)
Again with some teeth-grinding-grimacing-indiscernible-words-grabbing-of-the-available-furniture... BUT, No pain, no gain, right? Well, in the end, I think Thomas felt he could make a big mark in his 'gain' column. I certainly felt so! And, whew, was I tired! (me, me, me, me)
We have some new concerns involving his knee. I wish I knew more. Just know in the morning, we will be seeing yet another new doctor in another new office for another new investigation of Case Thomas.
I almost never go back and read previous blogs. But, I am having vague memories here of battle and wars and who's next to pick a fight. Blah, blah, blah. Hate that. But, a shout out to all those problems creeping in the shadows... We've had a little rest. We've been home a week. We've eaten like pigs. We've visited with treasured friends and family... We're up on our game! Plus, also ... we, deliberately, every single day, a FEW times a day, still turn our whole fight over to the mightiest warrior and HIS army. So... I'd watch my back if I were you, Creepy problem. H.I.O.T.T
See, skin staples are a common and essential part of surgery...to attach or close something. But, often more than not, they have to be removed. What one really hopes to avoid is them getting 'embedded'. Hmmmm. See where I am going with this?
Staples? check. Embedded? Check, check. Quality (read: Ethicon) staple remover? Oh, no. No. Not at all.
What do you do? Dig.
I had to sit down. And, I am not even the one experiencing this "expedition' that was going on!
After some colorful commentary and a few tests of the bolts on the arm rest, staples were out and all was good.
We had just settled in back home when Mr. and Mrs. Rehabilitation called. They wanted to see him. Right away. It was a good thing but one of those good things you don't really want to do. Had to.
This time, I just thought I'd be of best help if I was on the other side of the office, clear across from the workout room, filling out papers. I mean, gotta be cautious... wouldn't want to over tax myself too much in one day. :0 (me, me, me, me!!!!!)
Again with some teeth-grinding-grimacing-indiscernible-words-grabbing-of-the-available-furniture... BUT, No pain, no gain, right? Well, in the end, I think Thomas felt he could make a big mark in his 'gain' column. I certainly felt so! And, whew, was I tired! (me, me, me, me)
We have some new concerns involving his knee. I wish I knew more. Just know in the morning, we will be seeing yet another new doctor in another new office for another new investigation of Case Thomas.
I almost never go back and read previous blogs. But, I am having vague memories here of battle and wars and who's next to pick a fight. Blah, blah, blah. Hate that. But, a shout out to all those problems creeping in the shadows... We've had a little rest. We've been home a week. We've eaten like pigs. We've visited with treasured friends and family... We're up on our game! Plus, also ... we, deliberately, every single day, a FEW times a day, still turn our whole fight over to the mightiest warrior and HIS army. So... I'd watch my back if I were you, Creepy problem. H.I.O.T.T
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Home
Home. Have you, in a while, stopped to really think about what that means to you? We have. We have had 42 days to think about home....
Home is:
the place where our kids are
the place where our parents, mine and T's, moved in to help (and help they did)
the place our family makes better and warmer and richer
the place where the mess is ours
the place where we created memories
the place where we are familiar
the place where we are in charge
the place where we are comfortable
the place where our friends come and are welcome and treasured
the place we long for
the place where we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving
the place where our love lives and our story goes on...
Home is where you can't wait to be when you think you can't get there.
Home is where my husband said today to the Fellow over the burn unit... you have to get me there.
And he did.
42 days after a shocking admission to The Med, we were released.
We were released as better people, I most certainly hope. On the drive home, Thomas and I both said that we hope we are forever changed. I think we are. How could we not be? But, we don't want to ever lose the urgency of the faith we have. We don't want to ever forget what it is to witness a miracle. We dont' want to ever take for granted a single day of our lives, we don't want to forget that the most valuable and precious things we have are right here.... at home.
Thomas has still some mighty hard work to do. However, tonight to be at home, in his house, nothing else much matters.
To you all who are reading this. Thank you. Thank you for ... caring for my family, for praying for us and with us. You have been part of a God ordained miracle. I hope you are as blessed as we are for it. I mean this with all my heart... we love you.
HIOTT....
Julie, Thomas, Mary-Carter and Reed Mullins
Live, from ...home :)
Home is:
the place where our kids are
the place where our parents, mine and T's, moved in to help (and help they did)
the place our family makes better and warmer and richer
the place where the mess is ours
the place where we created memories
the place where we are familiar
the place where we are in charge
the place where we are comfortable
the place where our friends come and are welcome and treasured
the place we long for
the place where we are about to celebrate Thanksgiving
the place where our love lives and our story goes on...
Home is where you can't wait to be when you think you can't get there.
Home is where my husband said today to the Fellow over the burn unit... you have to get me there.
And he did.
42 days after a shocking admission to The Med, we were released.
We were released as better people, I most certainly hope. On the drive home, Thomas and I both said that we hope we are forever changed. I think we are. How could we not be? But, we don't want to ever lose the urgency of the faith we have. We don't want to ever forget what it is to witness a miracle. We dont' want to ever take for granted a single day of our lives, we don't want to forget that the most valuable and precious things we have are right here.... at home.
Thomas has still some mighty hard work to do. However, tonight to be at home, in his house, nothing else much matters.
To you all who are reading this. Thank you. Thank you for ... caring for my family, for praying for us and with us. You have been part of a God ordained miracle. I hope you are as blessed as we are for it. I mean this with all my heart... we love you.
HIOTT....
Julie, Thomas, Mary-Carter and Reed Mullins
Live, from ...home :)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Live, from The Med, its Saturday night!
For my debut as "host", I think I will just recount to you my general observations as a 5+ week veteran of The Med....
1. I felt shafted till I saw my first prisoner. And when I fianlly did, I stared. I shouldn't have, but I did, I couldn't help it.
2. If ever in the area, you should totally come have lunch (or breakfast or dinner) at the Med Cafe. I am tellin' you... it is Thumping'! All. The. Time! And, I do not mean mu-sak, either. I mean the Dazz Band, Rick James, K.C and the Sunshine Band, Kool and the Gang... loud. Plus, serious soul food on the buffet: fried chicken, green beans with bacon, cornbread, beans, and Brussels’ sprouts. The staff is mostly friendly and all full of personality. Its just perfect... perfect.
3. My Christmas card list grew by at least 4 since we started here. The new additions are the 4 security guards in the Jefferson Street lot. Conley, Regina, Carrie and Jonathan. Talk about Angels Unaware. They watched out for me, asked about my husband, lined me out if I was mopey, even... on a rare occasion, if I wasn't going to be long... would let me 'borrow' one of the reserved spots. I always felt safe. They are awesome and represent some of the finest people, not to mention best of The Med.
4. I received compliments for my, and I quote, 'big legs'. Great. Just what you want to hear. I mean ...think big picture, I know. But, seriously, not the time. Just not the time. That guy was lucky as I had vats of pent up frustration at that point. I wish I had felt just a littlebit threatened and I could have commenced to some major self defense! :)
5. The first night we arrived, once the TICU staff finally got Thomas stabilized (hours) they called me. They said I could come see him. It was 3 in the morning. Mom, Beth and I loaded up and drove down. I remember uncontrollably shaking and that didn't stop for about 24 - 36 hours. Later I learned the reason why they let me come (and probably the reason for the shaking). They never thought he would make it through the weekend. But, at that time, I did not officially know that. We visited him and upon leaving, we were 'trapped in the parking lot'. We tried inputting our ticket. Didn't work. We tried pushing all kinds of buttons. Didn't work. Finally, sleep deprived and stressed out, I got out of the car and wrestled, with gusto, the gate arm that was preventing our exit. There was a security car right across the street, head lights on! I just knew he was having a good laugh at my expense so I wrestled even harder with the gate... staring at that car, daring him to come over there! Nothing. Finally Beth or Mom noticed a number you were to call if you were 'trapped' like we were. We called. They were not finished with the sentence, "A guard will be right there...." When, the afore mentioned car LURCHED across the street to our distress spot. Irritated, I said, "You were just WATCHING ME try to get out of here...why didn’t' you come help!?!?!?!?!?" One of the largest men I have ever seen in my life popped out of that car like a cork out of champagne. Dazed and with eyes the size of dinner plates, he said ... "Ah wuz Uhhhhhh-sleep!"
6. Nate the Great. A night shift technician that takes vitals and helps out with whatever and whomever needs it. He is the happiest person I have ever met. Every word he says is says is laughed more than spoken. You just can't help but smile when he’s talking to you. A wonderful bright spot in a place that can get awfully dreary.
7. I guess one of the most surprising things is the open-ness in which every thing happens. This is an OLD facility. And, while they do an amazing job, there just isn’t the infrastructure to allow the privacy that you would expect. For instance, when a patient is being wheeled from the ER to surgery, they travel out in the hall with everyone else! (No picture!) I know this because I experienced it when T went from one place to the other. I know this because one Saturday night a while back, we witnessed an apparent gunshot victim being wheeled under our noses!
It’s surreal, I tell you. You cannot believe what you are seeing! You feel like you are starring in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy… but I’ve yet to see McDreamy. (Although I do love our doctors… just not in that way)
It is a rich culture here, that’s for sure. And, I know it was God’s hand that led us here because if it had really been left up to me, I don’t think I would have ever! I make fun of me, the former “Least likely to end up at The Med” person you have EVER known. But, here I am and here we’ve been for 35 days.
I have to add in a bit of levity but in all seriousness…This is the place to be in a crisis, a trauma.
Yes, it has all been surreal. I am overwhelmed at least once a day by the fact that we ARE here, that this HAS happened and is still. But, in those daily moments of overwhelmedness… I stop and think about how thankful I am that we did end up here, at The Med. I say that on this, our SIXTH Saturday night.
Good night everybody!
Cue the music…..
1. I felt shafted till I saw my first prisoner. And when I fianlly did, I stared. I shouldn't have, but I did, I couldn't help it.
2. If ever in the area, you should totally come have lunch (or breakfast or dinner) at the Med Cafe. I am tellin' you... it is Thumping'! All. The. Time! And, I do not mean mu-sak, either. I mean the Dazz Band, Rick James, K.C and the Sunshine Band, Kool and the Gang... loud. Plus, serious soul food on the buffet: fried chicken, green beans with bacon, cornbread, beans, and Brussels’ sprouts. The staff is mostly friendly and all full of personality. Its just perfect... perfect.
3. My Christmas card list grew by at least 4 since we started here. The new additions are the 4 security guards in the Jefferson Street lot. Conley, Regina, Carrie and Jonathan. Talk about Angels Unaware. They watched out for me, asked about my husband, lined me out if I was mopey, even... on a rare occasion, if I wasn't going to be long... would let me 'borrow' one of the reserved spots. I always felt safe. They are awesome and represent some of the finest people, not to mention best of The Med.
 |
| Carrie... so encouraging and compassionate |
 |
| Regina. Beautiful inside and out AND takes no foolishness. She will line you out in a minute if you need it. I did. |
 |
| Jonathen... sweet and happy and always interested in your 'case'. |
 |
| Conley... all business but with a huge heart. Always ready and able to solve a problem or help you. |
4. I received compliments for my, and I quote, 'big legs'. Great. Just what you want to hear. I mean ...think big picture, I know. But, seriously, not the time. Just not the time. That guy was lucky as I had vats of pent up frustration at that point. I wish I had felt just a littlebit threatened and I could have commenced to some major self defense! :)
5. The first night we arrived, once the TICU staff finally got Thomas stabilized (hours) they called me. They said I could come see him. It was 3 in the morning. Mom, Beth and I loaded up and drove down. I remember uncontrollably shaking and that didn't stop for about 24 - 36 hours. Later I learned the reason why they let me come (and probably the reason for the shaking). They never thought he would make it through the weekend. But, at that time, I did not officially know that. We visited him and upon leaving, we were 'trapped in the parking lot'. We tried inputting our ticket. Didn't work. We tried pushing all kinds of buttons. Didn't work. Finally, sleep deprived and stressed out, I got out of the car and wrestled, with gusto, the gate arm that was preventing our exit. There was a security car right across the street, head lights on! I just knew he was having a good laugh at my expense so I wrestled even harder with the gate... staring at that car, daring him to come over there! Nothing. Finally Beth or Mom noticed a number you were to call if you were 'trapped' like we were. We called. They were not finished with the sentence, "A guard will be right there...." When, the afore mentioned car LURCHED across the street to our distress spot. Irritated, I said, "You were just WATCHING ME try to get out of here...why didn’t' you come help!?!?!?!?!?" One of the largest men I have ever seen in my life popped out of that car like a cork out of champagne. Dazed and with eyes the size of dinner plates, he said ... "Ah wuz Uhhhhhh-sleep!"
6. Nate the Great. A night shift technician that takes vitals and helps out with whatever and whomever needs it. He is the happiest person I have ever met. Every word he says is says is laughed more than spoken. You just can't help but smile when he’s talking to you. A wonderful bright spot in a place that can get awfully dreary.
7. I guess one of the most surprising things is the open-ness in which every thing happens. This is an OLD facility. And, while they do an amazing job, there just isn’t the infrastructure to allow the privacy that you would expect. For instance, when a patient is being wheeled from the ER to surgery, they travel out in the hall with everyone else! (No picture!) I know this because I experienced it when T went from one place to the other. I know this because one Saturday night a while back, we witnessed an apparent gunshot victim being wheeled under our noses!
It’s surreal, I tell you. You cannot believe what you are seeing! You feel like you are starring in an episode of Grey’s Anatomy… but I’ve yet to see McDreamy. (Although I do love our doctors… just not in that way)
It is a rich culture here, that’s for sure. And, I know it was God’s hand that led us here because if it had really been left up to me, I don’t think I would have ever! I make fun of me, the former “Least likely to end up at The Med” person you have EVER known. But, here I am and here we’ve been for 35 days.
I have to add in a bit of levity but in all seriousness…This is the place to be in a crisis, a trauma.
Yes, it has all been surreal. I am overwhelmed at least once a day by the fact that we ARE here, that this HAS happened and is still. But, in those daily moments of overwhelmedness… I stop and think about how thankful I am that we did end up here, at The Med. I say that on this, our SIXTH Saturday night.
Good night everybody!
Cue the music…..
for granted
Everything. That's what I took for granted. Every. Single. Thing.
I think it was last weekend, I'd left the hospital in search of a Starbucks. It was a Sunday so it was a safer time for a directionally challenged person, like myself, to navigate the downtown streets. Everywhere I looked there were couples. I couldn't help but be sad and a little jealous and realize how much I had taken for granted.
I am so ready to be able to spend time with my husband outside this dreary hospital room. We ran together, played tennis, spent all kinds of time with our kids and friends. One of our greatest joys has been having fun with our children, with Thomas and I rivaling them for who was actually the biggest kid of all! Something Mary-Carter and Reed, even at the ages they are now, have always loved was for T to 'jump' them on the trampoline (they all 3 get on and Thomas makes them fly sky high!) Thomas can and would do anything for us. He did anything the kids needed, he can do anything around the house... if I needed (or wanted) it done, he made it happen. I took it
all for granted.
Take a page from my book. Before something drastic makes you aware....stop to say thanks for the things in life... your husband or wife, going out for a run or game of tennis, playing with your kids, climbing in the attic, walking into a Starbucks for a coffee date.
I believe that God will fully restore Thomas. I've said that before and I still do claim and believe it. The two of them, have already moved mountains. We have had so many praises... T's kidney recovery, the successful grafts, love and support from family and friends, continued progress.
So, where are we? We are basically in a waiting game now. We wait to make sure the graft's original success stays. We wait to make sure we stay on top of and avoid complications after surgery. We wait, again, for God's perfect timing to prevail. We pray that Thomas can be ready to go home by Thanksgiving. Afterall, we have a lot to be thankful for and to not take for granted...
HIOTT,
jcm
I think it was last weekend, I'd left the hospital in search of a Starbucks. It was a Sunday so it was a safer time for a directionally challenged person, like myself, to navigate the downtown streets. Everywhere I looked there were couples. I couldn't help but be sad and a little jealous and realize how much I had taken for granted.
I am so ready to be able to spend time with my husband outside this dreary hospital room. We ran together, played tennis, spent all kinds of time with our kids and friends. One of our greatest joys has been having fun with our children, with Thomas and I rivaling them for who was actually the biggest kid of all! Something Mary-Carter and Reed, even at the ages they are now, have always loved was for T to 'jump' them on the trampoline (they all 3 get on and Thomas makes them fly sky high!) Thomas can and would do anything for us. He did anything the kids needed, he can do anything around the house... if I needed (or wanted) it done, he made it happen. I took it
all for granted.
Take a page from my book. Before something drastic makes you aware....stop to say thanks for the things in life... your husband or wife, going out for a run or game of tennis, playing with your kids, climbing in the attic, walking into a Starbucks for a coffee date.
I believe that God will fully restore Thomas. I've said that before and I still do claim and believe it. The two of them, have already moved mountains. We have had so many praises... T's kidney recovery, the successful grafts, love and support from family and friends, continued progress.
So, where are we? We are basically in a waiting game now. We wait to make sure the graft's original success stays. We wait to make sure we stay on top of and avoid complications after surgery. We wait, again, for God's perfect timing to prevail. We pray that Thomas can be ready to go home by Thanksgiving. Afterall, we have a lot to be thankful for and to not take for granted...
HIOTT,
jcm
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)