So, what happened was....

Two weeks ago, we were referred to a doctor who was new in this whole mix.  I wrote about that briefly in
"Knocked Down". 

The thing with Doctors is ... some have the gifts of both medical skill and 'bedside' manner.   Some dont'.  In in a situation like ours, you encounter them all.  Learning to take what they have to say to you and how they say it is a skill all your own...you gotta develop it, though.  Two weeks ago, our "skills" in hearing info delivered in a less than empathetic way werent' as strong as they needed to be.  We both took it hard and have taken the last few weeks to process it, sometimes needing to have the infamous 'pity parties on the attic floor', in my case! :)

When we left The Med, doctors ( and there were so many different ones) generally said that Thomas would probably never run a marathon, but was he going to anyway?  Doctor humor.  But, within reason, they thought he would return to a lifestyle similar to the one he was pulled from in early October.  Drastic measures such as amputation were no longer mentioned... those 'options' hadn't been mentioned since about week 2 of his hospital stay.   

Our visit to New Doctor (who we later learned is a hand specialist... go figure) pulled the plug on our bright hopes within minutes of him walking in to our room.  In his underdeveloped bedside manner, he told us that Thomas had three choices:
1. amputation
2. fusion
3. a life time in a brace; IF his leg would be usable at all

Do these seem like choices to you?  Option 3, thanks.  Yes, final answer. 

When we mentioned the prognosis we had received at the end of our stay at the Med, he guffawed and said "Any athletics for you are over...."    And then, he had his tech bring in the brace he thought Thomas would need.  Picture Optimus Prime from Transformers.  Big. Metal. Heavy. Complicated. 

Now we realize that it probably shouldn't have come as such a shock.  We weren't so misguided that we didn't know his capabilities would be different.  But, we did dream that he'd be able to go hunting with Reed, maybe ride a four wheeler or bike, dance with me or Mary-Carter.....  I can't tell you how much of it was our hopes being over inflated or how much of it was the delivery that just punched holes in any hopes at all.  In any case, for about two weeks, we were just down.  Thomas is still here, by the grace of God.  Praise, praise, praise oh praise!  The miracle of that is not lost on us.  However, there are things in our life that are irrevocably different.  We have to deal with those differences and mourn some of the things that we will no longer have.  We have to do that in order to move forward.  We both felt guilty for our sadness and its taken some time (about two weeks!) for me to be able to say these things. 

We were back at the Med for clinic at the end of last week.  These appointments are pretty long and where he gets his dressings changed.  Catharine, one of our favorite 'clean up" nurses was listening to Thomas tell her his most recent prognosis and that we had been fitted with a custom brace.   She sees Thomas as a son, I can tell by the way she talks to him, she babys him.  I love it.  But, she said and I quote:

(Looking over her bifocals, staring him in the eyes and with a sigh...)

"Well, as close as you came to death honey, a lifetime in a brace is really a small price to pay." 

It hit home.  Those words fell on us as heavily as New Doctor's did, but in a healing, helpful, encouraging way.  She was/is right.  And, its a price we can pay.  Thomas is still here.  Praise, praise, praise Oh, Praise.  He can help our kids with homework (praise times a million!), he is beginning to drive some, he can watch sports with Reed, he can tell Mary-Carter she is beautiful every morning before school, he can let her boss him around with her super strict do-it-yourself-so-you'll-get-better regime!  Thomas is still here, thank you All Mighty God.  HE chose to work a miracle here in this house, in this family, in this community.  HE worked that miracle for a reason, for a greater purpose and Thomas is still here for that reason, for that purpose.  We'll find it.  We are looking for it... more now than I was last week when I was a dusty, mopey weirdo hanging out in my attic. 

Its a crazy, unrelenting roller coaster of emotions to go through something like this.  But, today, I feel like we are standing firm again on the foundation of our Lord's righteousness.  I am sure there will be more loop-de-loops to come.  We'll hang on, of course. 

Today, we have an MRI.  Its not something Thomas is looking forward to at all, but, as our Catharine told him... small price.  The MRI is necessary to see what is exactly left in his leg and whats not.  This will help therapists know how best to exercise the leg, whether the brace is lifelong or not... not a worry anyway!  We ditched the transformer brace and got fitted for an AWESOME custom brace that will weigh less than 3 lbs., it will have a lock on it that will facilitate him standing for longer periods of time.  Its E-Zzzzzz to put on! 

As I mentioned, T has driven our car. First time since October 5!   He said he wanted to and I said, "What if you have a wreck and break your leg!  Then we will really have some problems!"  He shot back, "What if YOU have a wreck and break my leg..."  So, ahem....he drove. 

One of those seemingly little things that is actually huge.  Like many things along the way... like when a doctor has both medical skill and bedside manner.  This sounds overly dramatic but when you get those amazing ones, they are just like ... like your favorite pillow!  They are so comforting.  Seemingly small but so, so huge. 

Thomas is progressing.  He is so determined and is working so hard.  Just getting in the car takes effort, takes strength.  He doesn't ever lose patience.  He rarely gets frustrated.  God is all around him, I can see. 

So.... that is what happened and this is where we are today.  Writing this blog is both a gift to me and a challenge.  Ive said before, knowing what to write and how is hard.  I look back on some and think about deleting them.  Then I dont' because it is a record of our journey.  Its a very vulnerable feeling to have these words out there... and, to hear some say how much they admire the words is very nice.  I am very humbled and touched and also, very thankful if these entries have meant something to you.  However, I have to close by saying.... anything you find admirable is not of me, its not me at all.  The 'amazing' words you read, the strength you see, the encouragement you find is all completely of God.  I just had the chance to be a vessel,to be used to type HIS words.  I will disappoint you tomorrow, heck, maybe even today if you see me!! :)  God will never disappoint you, though.  Read this blog and realize who is speaking to you.  Its not me.  Seek HIM.  Offer HIM your admiration and your PRAISE.  That's where you will find the strength, the encouragement, the peace.... believe me. 

Thank you for caring for our family and reading our blog. 

HIOTT (HE is on the throne) ...

Julie