On My Knees

There have been countless gestures, notes, messages, words that have genuinely ministered to us during the past four weeks.  I wouldn't even begin to mention any one specifically because I'd be like Hillary Swank winning her Best Actress Oscar and never remembering to thank her poor husband, Chad Lowe, who sat weeping for her from the front row.  Ugh. 
BUT....
I wanted to share this poem.  It was written by one of my younger friends early on in this battle.  It is just precious and beautiful.  I am so proud FOR her, for her faith and her knowing where to turn when she had concerns. 
Here it goes...

On My Knees....

Good night and sleep tight I say,

For tomorrow is a brand, new day.

A day in which Joy could come,

And relieve all our sadness and glum.

We hope Mr. Thomas will heal,

To our Lord we shall kneel.

(thats the part where I get goose bumps)

Because tomorrow is a day that is new,

And our prayers could come true. 

duh....

I'm usually never far from the butt end of a blonde joke.  Still, I often even surprise myself with the moments I can have.  Yesterday, after being gone into 'hydro' for an extended period of time, I became anxious and then was shocked to learn the doctors were trying to rule out blood clots. Blood clots, even before this, have always been something that frightened me, but, I digress...  
Blood clots are common for someone who has been basically bedridden for four weeks.  Duh.

Turns out, he appears not to have any.  Hallelujah and Amen! :)

Monday, November 8, marks exactly one month that we made our debut at the Memphis Regional Medical Center.  Unbelievable.  Monday also now marks the day skin graft surgery is planned.  Here are my prayers:

• That the decision to do the surgery on Monday will be the right day, by God's timing.  Neither too early or too late.  If it is too early, I pray everyone involved will clearly know that and make the wise decision to wait. 
• I earnestly pray for Dr. Bill Hickerson who is our surgeon.  I pray over his hands, his mind, his heart, his schedule, his rest, his family and his general state of mind that day.  
• I pray for Thomas.  I pray he is filled with peace and confidence.  I pray that God will just supernaturally, as only HE could do, remove any fear or worry... that Thomas can enter into that surgery with a keen awareness of the angels hovering over him, of his Father at his side.
• I  pray Thomas will be perfectly protected from ANY complications.  I petition God for the blessing of not ONE SINGLE hangup.  Now, I pray God's Will be done... but I am boldly asking that from here on out we go with out a bump.  Not one. 
• I pray that the pain we've been so warned about after surgery will be reasonably controlled.  (Girls, think of the times you were using a new razor and you 'skinned' your shin bone or ankle.  I just did that as a matter of fact.  It hurts and that is what we've been told his harvest site will feel like.)
• I pray that I will be strong, peaceful, trusting, fearless because I know this is all in God's hands. 
• I pray that I can provide Thomas will just the right words or actions for comfort at just the right time. 

Now I praise...

• I praise that God is the Great Physician.
• I praise that we know HIM.
• I praise Him for The Med. (And I will Praise Him when WE are pulling out of that parking lot for the last time!)
• I praise that he chose our family and our friends to be used by His Holy Spirit to lift us up.
• I praise Him for those family members and friends who have given and given of time, energy, thought and deed.  They have sat with us, prayed for us, let us cry, made us laugh, brought us food, stocked our supplies, written beautiful notes, touched our hearts and shown their own faithfulness and obedience to "Love one another..." I will never, ever have the words to really express my gratitude.  We love you.  We love you.
• I praise for everything that has happened so far because it has shown us His mighty power, His grace, His love and His desire to hold us in His hands. 
• I praise Him for my husband... that HE, and HE really did, orchestrate us divinely 'bumping' into each other about 18 years ago in a hospital (the irony) parking lot in Texarkana, Texas.  God gave me a gift that day in the form of a handsome, hardworking, south Alabama boy who liked my green suit.  Duh. It was a great suit. 

Thank you for reading this and caring about my family.  Thank you for your prayers.  I covet them especially now as we enter into this surgery on Monday. 

HIOTT!,
jcm

I am sorry for another delay! I stay at the hospital most of the time now. Not always at night but sometimes.  I can't update from there! :/

We had hoped for the skin grafts to start.  They still have not.  I have to 'be still and know that HE is God" ... as so many of you have affirmed, HE is the great physician and the timing will be perfect.  I pray over our doctor here, too. He is an excellent physician and I am so thankful to have him.   I trust that he is being guided and influenced via the power of all of our prayers.  I thank you so very much for those prayers.  This whole thing is a 'trickle down' system (or trickle up... )  Through the faith and obedience that you all have, you support me and keep me strong and encouraged... where I can then support and keep T strong.  We are so very thankful for you all.  I give this all over to God for His glory and have faith, know, CLAIM that HE will continue to see Thomas through all of this.  There is a purpose and we anxiously await the day that it is all revealed.  Until then we praise God and rejoice in the stirring of faith that has already occurred. 

We also are so thankful that our children have continued to be peaceful and so well cared for by our family and friends.  What a tremendous blessing.  To see how they have handled this is also to witness another of God's miracles. 

Our prayers are that T will continue to stay protected from any complications.  That surgery will be soon, but also at just the right time.  That the grafting will be very successful with out any setbacks.  That all of our doctors will be rested, protected, and guided by God's might armor and hand.  That we will not miss any reason or purpose for this trial but that we will always know...To God Be the Glory. 

There is so much I'd like to write about but there just isn't the time!  I just want you all to know how grateful we are for your prayers, love and support.  It is so very humbling and not a minute of it is lost.... our hearts are blessed every single day, usually many times over.  Please know that and receive the blessing in it for you. 

HIOTT, jcm

coming undone

A few days ago, one of my most 'fit' prayer warriors said to me, "Jules, you know if this had gone the other way, we'd still have to be praising God."  And, yes, I know that.  But would I?  As strongly?  I mean, if I had lost my husband, would I have had it in me to still be thankful and full of praise?  Thats a pretty big question.

Saturday, I had a better perspective on my answer.  I dont' have any fancy way to say it... we had a crappy day.  Thomas' pain was totally out of control and he was hurting to the point of distraction.  His nutrition was in the tank.  That sounds like a small problem, but its huge... as everything (condition of existing muscles, when grafting surgery can be done, kidney prognosis, etc) hinges on that.   It looked dismal that we could make a dent in improving it in the time given.  His room was not as clean as I'd like, his nurse was mean, he wouldn't eat the food, we were getting more conflicting medical advice than we could discern or handle.  That means that one one team tells you to do is exactly opposite of what the other team tells you to do... ie:Burn=consume all the protein you can.  Nephrology=consume anything but protein!  Throw the trauma team and dieticians into the mix and you don't know who to believe!  It leaves us in the middle trying to choose.   And... to top it all off, I forgot to confirm some information with our insurance company.  Thats REALLY scary. 

We were both: Exhausted. Overwhelmed. Confused. Frustrated. Afraid.  This was the beginning of a giant unraveling for me.  Imagine a small snag in a sweater ... and you pull it.  I could NOT stop crying...that ugly crying, too, where you can't make words or control your face.  The weight of everything fell on me.   He has been so sick.  There is this unknown road ahead of us.  He has an enormous injury that nearly cost him his life.  Its just huge.   I did that whole regret and worry thing that I was trying not to do, I was irrational about everything.  I was asking "Why him!?"  In short, all the things I had felt so solidly 'sewn up in my little sweater of faith' were... unraveling. 

In comparison to where we had been a few weeks ago, why was I coming undone now?  And, why was I questioning our path?  Like Janet Jackson's song so many years ago, I was asking "But, what have you done for me Late-leeeeeeeey?" Where was my faith and strength and praise and thankful heart? 
Really, where was it Miss Blogger!?! 

I realized that faith is sometimes a willful act.  I was helped to that realization by many of you and those 'angels unaware' I mentioned before.  I have to choose it sometimes versus just assuming it will 'flow through me'.  Saturday, I had to choose it.  I had to say to myself, "Self, shut up!" :)  I had to focus and meditate on the miracles God had worked so far.  I had to look beyond myself.  I needed to let God use me for a minute so that I could remember those who had reached out to me.  Even in the worst of times, if we focus on Him, He will bless your for it.  We believe that because we are living it. 

We are still waiting for grafts.  Everything is connected and there are other factors that have to be optimal before the doctors will even consider starting.  That seems like it'd be really frustrating but, with grafting, you really hope not to have any 're-do's'.  So, we are waiting and obeying thier nutrition rules.  Thomas has made a 'business plan'!  He is following it to the letter and its working for the burn guys.  Our hope and prayer is that he will be ready for grafting surgery by the end of this week. 

Our kids are still doing well.  They had lots of Halloween fun, which thrilled us.  Too bad Thomas and I couldnt' enter costume contests this year, we were very convincing!  I dressed as an overworked patient advocate and he went as the sickest healthy man you've ever seen. 

Our family and our friends are supporting us in ways that can only be attributed to grace!  I mean my Mom and my Mother-in-law are doing my laundry!  Can you imagine more grace concentrated in one spot than that (them not me!)?!   Each and everything that happens is orchestrated by God's mighty and righteous hand and I can see that as clearly as I can this computer screen. 

Thank you all for reading this, for caring about Thomas and our family.  Thank you for your faithful friendship and prayers....

HIOTT,
jcm