should I, should I not....

Lately, I have been undecided if I should update the blog or not.  Us, ad nauseum? :)  Hypothetically speaking of course, not a poll! :) 

Occasionally, though, things happen or cross my mind that I think would be good information to share.  There are many of you, FOT (Friends Of Thomas), out there and I love how much you all love him, care about whats going on, I know you want to follow his progress and I love that too! So, here I am updating... gladly. 

In the few weeks that T has had his brace, I have seen him really push the limits... all in the quest to walk again.  The last visit he had to his therapist, Sandy, she worked him over!  I was sitting on a stool watching him thinking, as I so often do, of a movie quote (either that or a song).  This time it was a quote from "My Best Friends Wedding".  Did you see it?  Cute.  This particular quote was from Julia Roberts.  She was at a baseball game with her bff who was getting ready to marry Cameron Diaz. 

So,as I sat watching Thomas, bolstered with brace and crutches, do all these new "moves" at Sandy's command,  this was the quote that crossed my mind...

I could not believe I found that on YouTube knew it was a sign that I had to blog it! :) Cause his new moves were certainly ones I had not seen!  They were great, too.   

T is doing so well.  He still has healing to do and he is still unable to walk without two crutches... but, if you had seen him when he first came home from the hospital ... when getting himself from our bedroom to the sofa was a day's work, his progress is amazing!  Now, he can sit without his leg propped up  for more than an hour at a time.  He trys to do as much as he can unassisted and that list grows all the time. 

As I type this entry, he is getting beat in playing chess with Reed.  It's one of those things that I realize is precious and I am so thankful for it.  Reed Mullins loves, loves, loves his Dad.  They look an awful lot alike and the bond is even deeper than that. 

There are specifics on our prayer list.  They are that our children would remain stress free in this situation,  that T could soon get a good/complete night's sleep, that he heals completely soon and requires no more surgeries, that we make Godly and wise decisions as we deal with the details of all that has happened to him.

Our praises out weigh that list. 

We have seen God's hand move not only in our life, but in that of our whole community.  One such thing was this past week when I attended a bible study at the encouragement of a treasured friend.  I didn't even know the name of the study before we arrived ... it is "A Life Interrupted..." and the study of Jonah.  Hmmmm.  Do you think I arrived at that class by accident?  Nope. 

What I know I should do... and I will do, blog wise,  is that series of tribute entries.  I hope to get to that soon.

Until then, thank you for caring about my family.  I hope you are blessed by what God has done in all this.  He has used Thomas and what he has been through to show His power and His grace.  I pray that everyone who follows it finds a blessing, a source of peace, a renewed faith...

H.I.O.T.T...

jcm

dang it!

I just sat here and wrote for an hour.  My internet went down and I lost it all. 
oh. my. word. I. am. so. frustrated. 

there was much more said but the main point was that I didn't intend to send a link to that whole album.  sorry.  that seems sort of like 'Us, ad nauseum'. 

t had his first physical/occupational therapy with new fancy brace yesterday=good.

clinic at med went really well too.

uh.  still. so. mad.

well, this was not what I meant to do...

Click here to view photos

Brace Yourself!

Finally, we got the long awaited carbon fiber, spring loaded, lock enabled brace!  Like a lot of things, getting to the right place/person/insurance approved company, etc was a challenge but...what a wonderful after Christmas gift.  It is so fancy, you'd think we got a new car with all our excitement!  You'd be expecting to see more than you do, but the fact that it is small is one of the best features!  Brad, Thomas' friend I've mentioned earlier, said today..."It sounds like its bionic or something... like the Six Million Dollar Man!"  Since the price tag was  a little shy of six million, we feel like we got a heck of a deal!  :) Doesn't really matter anyway... so worth it.  Thomas is still figuring out the kinks and it will take some getting used to, but its already proven to be a value...
For the first time in 6 weeks since his release from the hospital, T was going into the Med on crutches (vs wheelchair).  It had been raining here all day and we were late since we spent extra time at the 'brace place' practicing and getting detailed instructions.  We were making time down the hallway to Clinic when one crutch slipped.  If it had been one day earlier, down he would have gone.  Its too early yet for him to walk on the brace unassisted by crutches but, it definitely provides security already.  That's just a wonderful feeling for him.  Me too!

We are exactly TWELVE weeks into this whole journey.  I can't believe it.  Fast and slow...

T gets stronger every day.  He is probably the hardest worker I've ever met... I knew that he was driven in his career but this has brought a whole new side of him to light.  I dont' know if its being the fifth of five kids or just a special God given gift, probably some of both, but he is very determined.  He has set some goals for himself as to when he plans to be entirely prosthetic free (no crutches, no brace)!  If any of you saw Gwynth Paltrow on Glee this past fall, she sang a cleaned up version of the C-Lo Song..( her version) entitled "Forget You".  You can google her appearance on Glee and get it from YouTube.  She was awesome!  But anyway, that's kind of the song I sing in my head (cause you don't want to hear me singing out loud) about that infamous visit to the hand specialist! :) Ugh.

We love you guys for caring for our family, for Thomas and for your faithful friendship and prayers.  Its in my plan to try to update the blog about once a week at minimum.  I hope to start a tribute series next.  I'm rolling it around in my head (I've got LOTS of planing time while relaxing in the clinic waiting room at the Med) the things I want to share about many of you, our family and friends who have helped carry us through this, who have been the hands and feet of Jesus.  I have funny stories and tearful ones.  I want to get them down because just in talking with my sisters over the holiday, its amazing the things I am already forgetting. 

I hope you shared a joyful Christmas with YOUR family and friends.  We certainly did.  We are blessed with precious, fun, funny, kind people in our immediate world.  As we get ready to enter a new year, we are filled with hope and we are certainly looking forward to health and blessings that we can both give and receive. 

HIOTT....
Julie

You got to have your very own broom..

The lyrics certainly don't  had better not apply but, the song just makes us smile!  And, its what we think of when we visit our pals a few times a week down at the Med's clinic...  LOTS of sassy brooms down there!  (You'll have to listen the whole way through to get that and the title of this post...)

So, what happened was....

Two weeks ago, we were referred to a doctor who was new in this whole mix.  I wrote about that briefly in
"Knocked Down". 

The thing with Doctors is ... some have the gifts of both medical skill and 'bedside' manner.   Some dont'.  In in a situation like ours, you encounter them all.  Learning to take what they have to say to you and how they say it is a skill all your own...you gotta develop it, though.  Two weeks ago, our "skills" in hearing info delivered in a less than empathetic way werent' as strong as they needed to be.  We both took it hard and have taken the last few weeks to process it, sometimes needing to have the infamous 'pity parties on the attic floor', in my case! :)

When we left The Med, doctors ( and there were so many different ones) generally said that Thomas would probably never run a marathon, but was he going to anyway?  Doctor humor.  But, within reason, they thought he would return to a lifestyle similar to the one he was pulled from in early October.  Drastic measures such as amputation were no longer mentioned... those 'options' hadn't been mentioned since about week 2 of his hospital stay.   

Our visit to New Doctor (who we later learned is a hand specialist... go figure) pulled the plug on our bright hopes within minutes of him walking in to our room.  In his underdeveloped bedside manner, he told us that Thomas had three choices:
1. amputation
2. fusion
3. a life time in a brace; IF his leg would be usable at all

Do these seem like choices to you?  Option 3, thanks.  Yes, final answer. 

When we mentioned the prognosis we had received at the end of our stay at the Med, he guffawed and said "Any athletics for you are over...."    And then, he had his tech bring in the brace he thought Thomas would need.  Picture Optimus Prime from Transformers.  Big. Metal. Heavy. Complicated. 

Now we realize that it probably shouldn't have come as such a shock.  We weren't so misguided that we didn't know his capabilities would be different.  But, we did dream that he'd be able to go hunting with Reed, maybe ride a four wheeler or bike, dance with me or Mary-Carter.....  I can't tell you how much of it was our hopes being over inflated or how much of it was the delivery that just punched holes in any hopes at all.  In any case, for about two weeks, we were just down.  Thomas is still here, by the grace of God.  Praise, praise, praise oh praise!  The miracle of that is not lost on us.  However, there are things in our life that are irrevocably different.  We have to deal with those differences and mourn some of the things that we will no longer have.  We have to do that in order to move forward.  We both felt guilty for our sadness and its taken some time (about two weeks!) for me to be able to say these things. 

We were back at the Med for clinic at the end of last week.  These appointments are pretty long and where he gets his dressings changed.  Catharine, one of our favorite 'clean up" nurses was listening to Thomas tell her his most recent prognosis and that we had been fitted with a custom brace.   She sees Thomas as a son, I can tell by the way she talks to him, she babys him.  I love it.  But, she said and I quote:

(Looking over her bifocals, staring him in the eyes and with a sigh...)

"Well, as close as you came to death honey, a lifetime in a brace is really a small price to pay." 

It hit home.  Those words fell on us as heavily as New Doctor's did, but in a healing, helpful, encouraging way.  She was/is right.  And, its a price we can pay.  Thomas is still here.  Praise, praise, praise Oh, Praise.  He can help our kids with homework (praise times a million!), he is beginning to drive some, he can watch sports with Reed, he can tell Mary-Carter she is beautiful every morning before school, he can let her boss him around with her super strict do-it-yourself-so-you'll-get-better regime!  Thomas is still here, thank you All Mighty God.  HE chose to work a miracle here in this house, in this family, in this community.  HE worked that miracle for a reason, for a greater purpose and Thomas is still here for that reason, for that purpose.  We'll find it.  We are looking for it... more now than I was last week when I was a dusty, mopey weirdo hanging out in my attic. 

Its a crazy, unrelenting roller coaster of emotions to go through something like this.  But, today, I feel like we are standing firm again on the foundation of our Lord's righteousness.  I am sure there will be more loop-de-loops to come.  We'll hang on, of course. 

Today, we have an MRI.  Its not something Thomas is looking forward to at all, but, as our Catharine told him... small price.  The MRI is necessary to see what is exactly left in his leg and whats not.  This will help therapists know how best to exercise the leg, whether the brace is lifelong or not... not a worry anyway!  We ditched the transformer brace and got fitted for an AWESOME custom brace that will weigh less than 3 lbs., it will have a lock on it that will facilitate him standing for longer periods of time.  Its E-Zzzzzz to put on! 

As I mentioned, T has driven our car. First time since October 5!   He said he wanted to and I said, "What if you have a wreck and break your leg!  Then we will really have some problems!"  He shot back, "What if YOU have a wreck and break my leg..."  So, ahem....he drove. 

One of those seemingly little things that is actually huge.  Like many things along the way... like when a doctor has both medical skill and bedside manner.  This sounds overly dramatic but when you get those amazing ones, they are just like ... like your favorite pillow!  They are so comforting.  Seemingly small but so, so huge. 

Thomas is progressing.  He is so determined and is working so hard.  Just getting in the car takes effort, takes strength.  He doesn't ever lose patience.  He rarely gets frustrated.  God is all around him, I can see. 

So.... that is what happened and this is where we are today.  Writing this blog is both a gift to me and a challenge.  Ive said before, knowing what to write and how is hard.  I look back on some and think about deleting them.  Then I dont' because it is a record of our journey.  Its a very vulnerable feeling to have these words out there... and, to hear some say how much they admire the words is very nice.  I am very humbled and touched and also, very thankful if these entries have meant something to you.  However, I have to close by saying.... anything you find admirable is not of me, its not me at all.  The 'amazing' words you read, the strength you see, the encouragement you find is all completely of God.  I just had the chance to be a vessel,to be used to type HIS words.  I will disappoint you tomorrow, heck, maybe even today if you see me!! :)  God will never disappoint you, though.  Read this blog and realize who is speaking to you.  Its not me.  Seek HIM.  Offer HIM your admiration and your PRAISE.  That's where you will find the strength, the encouragement, the peace.... believe me. 

Thank you for caring for our family and reading our blog. 

HIOTT (HE is on the throne) ...

Julie

whats in the attic...

Long time, no type.  Lots of reasons.  One being that, even though we are 'home' (from the hospital)... we are rarely AT home!  We go somewhere every single day... either to rehabilitation or to The Med, for lengthy appointments.  Thursdays are supposed to be our day off, but today we went for a custom brace fitting.  All in all, that was kind of fun in comparison to our other outings!

Prior to that appointment though, I was in high gear today.  Aren't we all this time of year?  But seeing as my time to accomplish the things of December has been squeezed a little, I was making hay this Thursday, our 'day off'. 

I am so blessed to have had several of you who collected to provide help around our house. Oh. My. Goodness.  I am so, so thankful!  We'd be living in complete squalor with out that help.  So, trying to stay ahead of their progress around the house today, I was upstairs racing to get all our (now) empty Christmas decoration boxes back up to the attic so they could shovel out the dirt.  I was also trying to place orders online and do a a little laundry but, once I got UP-upstairs, I was totally distracted.  Attics always do that to me... complete time warp.  Memory Lane.   

One thing that distracted me was a big, giant, really organized and well labled bin, with Bounce dryer sheets stuck down inside so it'd smell fresh when we reopened (my favorite!) full of ski wear.  Ski Wear...ski.  wear.  :(

Well, let me give you the true confession.  I sat down in my Christmas pajama pants on our dusty attic floor and had a pity party.   We took our kids skiing for the very first time last year.  Nothing fancy, just to the slopes outside St. Louis, but it was great and I highly recommend it!  We enrolled the kids in ski school and, as they wobbled off, T. and I hopped the lift for a quick, kid free run down (the baby bunny maybe a green for me but easily a double blue, even black for him) the slopes before they returned.  It was their very first time on skis and being our first day of the trip, we were really hopeful they would enjoy it and we'd all have a great time.  As we rode that lift, we held our puffy gloved hands and prayed that God would bless our kids, protect them and give them enough joy in this 'sport' that it would be something we could all do as a family.  Something we could anticipate, something that we could make a tradition...

T and I did our runs a few times then, with a little trepidation, went to retrieve them from school.  The two, cutely clad novices we sent wobbling off were returning as two cutely clad beginning skiiers!  They did great!  We were just jublient!  This was a vacation we could do together, get exercise and therefore eat a lot, as a family!  Perfect!  Thanks, God for the answered prayer!  Good times, good times. 

That was almost exactly one year ago.  And, when I found all those well packed ski clothes today... I said the unspeakable.  I said, "Why me?"  as I cried over something lost. 

Why me? 

I'm really not sure how long I sat up there.  Not that long, as I still completed a few of the other tasks on my list. But, after the "party of one" upstairs on the floor in my attic, I did tell Thomas about it.  Weird.  He's the one hurt and the one I am who's supposed to be supporting him! But even now, he is still the one comforting me!  Seriously, I married well. 

He said, I am not really asking "Why me"... even though he said it's crossed his mind.   Instead, he is asking, "Whats the purpose?"  This whole ordeal is what it is... it has happened and it is a real thing, so, "Why Me?" does us absolutley no good. 

"Whats the purpose?" on the other hand has possibility.  It has hope in it.  It has the future in it.  In asking about the purpose, we acknowledge and even accept the changes in our lives with eyes wide open, looking for the connection/the purpose ... the way it will be used for the greater good.  Thomas, pun intended, is a bigger man than me! :)  He's got the strength to ask the better question. 

I cling to my faith.  But, if it means that my faith is weak or that I am weak or what, I don' t know but, I admit that every day I have a moment where I feel sad or even mad, frustrated or aggravated.  What I think "faith" is, though, is that deliberate decision to say, "God is in control of this.  His plan is always perfect. We are His children.  This is not mine to manage and we trust Him. "  A coming about. 

I was looking through T's bible and a verse he had dog earred is 1 Peter 5:6-11.  It speaks so well to our entire story ... even the ski lift:

" Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may LIFT  you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  Be self-controlled (I'm hearing "don't sit in your Christmas pajama pants and have a pity party on the attic floor") and  be alert.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.   And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.  To HIM be the power for ever and ever. Amen." 

Pity party, over. 

Anyway, when you have on the proper gear, which we have and it smells like Bounce...it is very cool to sit by the fire at a ski resort.

Thank you for caring for our family, for reading this blog (set up against my will but has become so therapeutic for me!) and for your prayers!  We appreciate you more than words can ever say...

HIOTT,
jcm